We all know ballplayers love their walk up music. Some players have lists that they play throughout the season, others couldn’t care less. Of course, most of this music is in no way shape or form appropriate to the character of the player who chooses it. Brennan Boesch walking out to Eminem? Come on pretty boy, you’re from California. Jose Valverde entering the game with The End of the Line by Metallica playing in the background? Sure, it’s an appropriate closer song, but not for someone of Jose’s caliber.
No, most athletes cannot create appropriate theme songs for themselves, well maybe Phil Coke can, and his song was left completely alone, but it was the only one. Everyone else? You have been assigned new songs that fit your profiles. Are they good? Not all. Are they appropriate? You bet. And you’re all going to like it.
**As a note, I was planning on inbedding all the music video’s, but with over 15 videos’, loading would have taken years. So I linked all of the YouTube video’s if you’d like to hear them**
Al Albuquerque – I’m Sexy and I Know It – LMFAO
AlAl sported the pink backpack like a true man last year. He had no qualms with the straps slung against his shoulders. He simply went out and pitched a heck of a year. He’s got a nasty slider and a buzzing fastball, he’s got sexy tools and he sure knows it.
Alex Avila – Family Business – Kanye West
Alex arrived in 2009 to everyone’s raised eyebrows. He’s certainly asserted himself into the All Star ranks now, but before this year many people weren’t all that sure he belonged. His father Al was and is the Assistant General Manager of the Tigers, his brother Alan was drafted by the Tigers in 2008 but chose to attend Southeastern University, and his cousin Nick was drafted by the Tigers last year in the 37th round. Sounds like a Family Business to me.
Austin Jackson – Swing Batter Swing – Trace Adkins
I really shouldn’t have to explain this walk up song. 351 strikeouts in 301 games in the big leagues is pretty phenomenal. He’s walked a mere 103 times. The fact that he occasionally doesn’t swing is an amazing feat in and of itself.
Brandon Inge – Supermassive Black Hole – Muse
This is just a bad joke that I couldn’t resist. His bat, it’s just a black hole that sucks baseballs in and doesn’t send them back out.
Brennan Boesch –Pretty Boy Swag – Soulja Boy
Sorry, no Eminem here, but I did allow Brennan to keep a hip hop artist in his intro song. It’s pretty self explanatory, I ain’t makin’ fun. Boy’s got swag.
Delmon Young – As Good as I Once Was – Toby Keith
The former Number 1 overall pick by Tampa Bay in the 2003 draft, Delmon was traded to the Tigers from the Twins late last year for a sack of coal. We all appreciated the move given his nice little postseason drama, but like him or not, He isn’t as good as he once was, or was once projected to be.
Doug Fister – You’re going down – Sick Puppies
I had a couple inappropriate songs for Dougie. Including The Dougie, but that was just too damn obvious. No, Fister walks up to the mound to You’re Going Down in 2012 simply because he was so dominant once he came over to Detroit last year. Those batters, they sure are going down.
Jhonny Peralta – Say My Name – Destiny’s Child
Whenever Jhonny did something, last year, anything, Twitter would erupt with excessive “h’s” in tweets. Jhust lhike thhis. So, his walk up song is simple. Say my name, say my name. When no one is around you. Jay-Honny.
Jose Valverde – Party Rock Anthem – LMFAO
His actual song is The End of the Line by Metallica but we all know that a closer of Valverde’s pedigree deserves something that relates to his antics and reactions on the mound. Can you imagine him bolting out of the pen dancing to the Party Rock Anthem? I can, and I know that Rod Allen and Mario Impemba would be besides themselves if this actually happened. I see you, big potato.
Joaquin Benoit – I Get Money – 50 Cents
In early October Joaquin was pitching against the New York Yankees. Yanks Manager Joe Girardi complained that the Band-Aid on Benoit’s face was distracting. The umpire made Benoit remove it, to which he complied, and revealed a nasty ingrown hair that had developed into a shiny bump. Well, to commemorate the Band-Aid we look to fellow Band-Aid wearer, 50 Cent, and his song, “I Get Money” because well, that’s just what Joaquin got from the Tigers.
Justin Verlander –America’s Favorite Pastime – Todd Snider
Doc Ellis was a pitcher for the Pittsburgh Pirates in the 1970’s. He put steroids to shame, because of all the controversy with Roids and PED’s and how many athletes played on them, there aren’t too many documented cases of a pitcher throwing a no-hitter while tripping on acid. I don’t know if the story is true or not, look the song up, it’s entertaining as hell, but I do know that Verlander won the Cy Young and MVP award last year and he pitched like he was tripping on acid. The guy was ridiculous.
Justin Verlander Version 2 – Play Ball – Drake and Richie Wess
The CY Young and MVP deserved a second song and thanks to @Ashl3yCouturier from Twitter we have one. “Take yourself a picture when Im standin’ at the mound”/”Bitch I go hard call me MVP” JV in a nutshell.
Max Scherzer – Mad Max Theme Song
Mad Max was a movie released in April of 1979 and stared a then unknown Mel Gibson. Mel’s character, Max Rockatansky is a Main Force Patrol officer fighting for peace in the roads of a dystopic Australia. Max is a stoic man who goes on a rampage, much as Scherzer’s brown eye, blue eye persona where he can seemingly turn his pitching on or off at any given moment (whether he can control that is another issue).
Miguel Cabrera – Beer for my Horses – Toby Keith
I couldn’t resist a beer song, especially one where horses drank the beer and the men drank the whisky, although it doesn’t seem like Miggy would care what was what. That was out of line, I know, but what would be better than our favorite Venezuelan stumbling out of the dugout to Toby Keith blaring his good old American county lyrics?
Phil Coke – Burn it to the Ground – Nickleback
I’m going to leave this alone, simply because I won’t be able to find a more perfect song. Burn it to the Ground. That’s Phil Coke (and his Brain) to a T.
Rick Porcello – Not a Star – Rick Ross
He’s 22 and has 3 years under his belt. He’s won 40 games for the Tigers in that span, including a gritty performance in game 163 against the Twins a couple years ago. No he’s not a star, but why does everyone want to get rid of Baby Face Rick? I love this guy.
Ryan Raburn – Barbie Girl – Aqua
Victor Martinez – Sweet Child O’ Mine – Guns and Roses
We all know what Big Victor does before every game. He plays ball with Little Victor. Just like the title of the song, it all seems sweet and innocent on the outside…but inside they mean serious business. Little Victor is going to lead the league in hits in about 20 years and we all know why.
Any other Tigers you have a song for? That’s what the comments are for. Have a better idea for a theme song other than what I’ve listed? That’s what the comments are for.
Or twitter. @docworn